Things not to say to a pregnant woman

In case you're wondering, no I did not say what I am about to write about. Rather, it's something Christi tells me all the time people say to her.

What is this I am talking about? It can be phrased many different ways, but it has one meaning - YOU'RE GETTING BIG. Frequently used similar terms / phrases include, but are not limited to the following:

• You've gained weight


• Dang that shirt is working hard


• Wow, you must be due soon


• Are you having twins?


• You sure are getting big


• That is going to be a big baby


• Be careful not to knock that picture over with your belly


• etc

You would be surprised how many people say these things. I'm certain most people don't mean anything by it, but telling a pregnant woman she's getting big is not a good idea. Why you ask?

First of all, she knows she's bigger than she used to be. She has another person inside of her - it generally causes your belly to get larger. The baby will put on a lot of weight in the last 2-3 months and she knows it will affect her. Second, one of the struggles of being pregnant is the weight gain and how it affects your appearance. I know she's asked me many times if I think she looks fat or if I think other people can tell she's pregnant and that she's not just fat. I've talked with other fathers / expecting fathers and they said their wives went through this as well. It's generally not a good idea to comment on how large a pregnant woman's belly is getting. You wouldn't comment on a non-pregnant woman gaining weight, would you? It's the same principal. With everything going on, the last thing they want to hear is that someone else thinks they are as big as a house.

So what can you say? If you know the person well, you already knew they were pregnant. In that case you will have noticed the size increase. Since you are close, you can mention that she looks like she is progressing well, etc. If asked by the pregnant woman if you think she is fat/large, it's usually best handled by noting that yes, she is larger than before, but the baby is growing and that she looks great (because she does. Pregnancy is beautiful.) If you don't know the person well, usually it's best to ask when she is due. This is great because it lets the pregnant woman know that you can tell she's not fat. From there you can transition into easy conversation about anything. One footnote - if you happen to ask someone you don't know when they are due and they are in fact not pregnant, you're on your own.

I hope everyone has learned a valuable lesson here today. I'll have some more pregnancy wisdom later.